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An anonymous, confident 1st-year student and cook writes...

As a first - year uni student, I was typically confident about my cooking skills.

...Never had I ever done mother watch.

This was my day:

0600 - prepare breakfast

0700 - serve 23 breakfast, (including those picky who wanted more of some and less of another.) *Charlie threw up

0730 - clean up after everyone including anti bac and sweeping - something that was foreign to me.

0900 - prepare 'elevensies'. A delicate task of preparing something 'adventurous' from a selection of tins AND not filling people up too much that they don't want lunch.

1100 - Present creation.

1115 - clear up creation remains.

1200 - make lunch. Boil pasta, add some herbs and hope for the best. (FYI, tinned cheese does NOT melt).

1430 - clear up lunch. (at this point hot water turns from hot to cold and tea towels become useless.)

1500 - Hurriedly prepared afternoon snack. Rushed use of last night's bread: add some marmite and pretend you made it.

1600 - Nap from cooking exhaustion.

1700 - Start preparing dinner. Sick of food now. Whatever herbs/food found will go in.

2000 - Serve dinner and prepare yourself for the mandatory applause you deserve for cooking the whole entire day.

2100 - Pass off as much washing up as you can to other watches on the sympathy vote.

2200 - Fall into bed ignoring the fact the Watch Officer had previously thrown up in the jug you just used for water at dinner an hour ago.

Mum, if you're reading this. I hold my hands up. I surrender. Consistently feeding others is not something I am capable of. Thanks for regularly feeding me over the last 19 years. Rather you than me.

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